True enough, not only the simple but the learned, not only the average but the saintly, have described God as wise, just, long-suffering, merciful; and, depending on the occasion, have appealed to Him because preeminently these attributes are His. When our motives are questioned we call upon Him for support, for in His wisdom He knows the deepest stirrings of our hearts. When we suffer, we invoke His justice. When in haste we sin, we plead for sufferance on His part. Where we have been exacting or rebellious, we cry for His mercy. What, however, does such language suggest? That man in his dependence and helplessness employs as best he may, to the stretching point if necessary, the sounds and vocabulary at his disposal. These terms, and others like them, are the finest human beings have developed. But even at their finest they will not do; they cannot be precise; they are a stammering to which we have simply grown accustomed. God, the nature of God, rises higher than our discourse. As He is the source of wisdom, we call Him wise; as He is the fullness of mercy, we call Him merciful. But the words fall short of His being.
-Louis Finkelstein
I recently started reading Blue Like Jazz. Yes, I know I'm late, as probably every Christian in college from the time it was written has considered it required reading. It's not that I didn't want to, so much as I just didn't go out and read it. But my cousin loaned it to me, so I've had no reason not to pick it up.
Anyway, it poses a sort of indirect challenge. In the book, Don Miller talks about wanting to tell his friends about God, without trying to sell God to them. And I've sort of been challenged to want to do that of late. I've been wondering "What would my life look like if I weren't afraid to share God with people?" Not to push a worldview on them, or to sell them a better life, or even the promise of an afterlife. If my relationship with God were only about life after death, I'd probably say screw it, and live for myself until my deathbed.
But seriously. I know the Creator of the freakin' universe personally. And He likes me! He goes out of His way to be in communication with me! WHAT THE HECK!?! So, what if I weren't afraid to use every chance I got to share Him with those I love?
I came across this quote in my reading for my World Religions class. Based on the guy's name, you can probably infer that we're studying Judaism right now. Anyway, I just loved how he described God, and how he pretty much called God indescribable. At least with our best efforts, we can't begin to explain how awesome He is.
If that's true, and I believe it is, why am I afraid to share my knowledge and relationship of this awesome being with those that I love?
I'll probably be chewing on this one a while.
"With a little love, and some tenderness, we'll walk upon the water. We'll rise above this mess."
29 October 2008
28 October 2008
Burning Our Bed
Baby, don't you shed a tear for me. I wouldn't want to waste your time.
You talked a lot of trash and ya lied to me.
But babe, you never even tried.
Oh, oh, oh
You can hold my heart for ransom.
But you'll never own my soul.
Baby, I might lose my mind. Maybe I might lose my head.
But one thing I'll never do is swallow my pride crawling back to you.
Baby, I'm burning our bed.
There used to be a time when you were everything, my flame through the night.
You got me hot, then you blew me out
Like this match Im about to light.
Oh, oh, oh
You can tear my heart to pieces.
Leave me standing in the cold.
Baby, I might lose my mind. Maybe I might lose my head.
One thing I gotta do is torch those sheets and pillows too..
Baby, Im burning out bed
Well, I used to think your were so fine. How could I be so blind?
-Burning Our Bed, Alice Cooper
Once again, Mr. Cooper speaks wisdom into my past relationship. Last week, I even wanted to talk to her. Some Godly wisdom from people I respect helped me to see why I shouldn't do that. Then, I heard this song. Funny how close to home it hits.
On another note, Alice Cooper's Hey Stoopid, from which this song came, is in my opinion what's missing from Rock 'n Roll today.
P.S.: Since this one was mostly lyrics, I don't think I'm going to use them here.
You talked a lot of trash and ya lied to me.
But babe, you never even tried.
Oh, oh, oh
You can hold my heart for ransom.
But you'll never own my soul.
Baby, I might lose my mind. Maybe I might lose my head.
But one thing I'll never do is swallow my pride crawling back to you.
Baby, I'm burning our bed.
There used to be a time when you were everything, my flame through the night.
You got me hot, then you blew me out
Like this match Im about to light.
Oh, oh, oh
You can tear my heart to pieces.
Leave me standing in the cold.
Baby, I might lose my mind. Maybe I might lose my head.
One thing I gotta do is torch those sheets and pillows too..
Baby, Im burning out bed
Well, I used to think your were so fine. How could I be so blind?
-Burning Our Bed, Alice Cooper
Once again, Mr. Cooper speaks wisdom into my past relationship. Last week, I even wanted to talk to her. Some Godly wisdom from people I respect helped me to see why I shouldn't do that. Then, I heard this song. Funny how close to home it hits.
On another note, Alice Cooper's Hey Stoopid, from which this song came, is in my opinion what's missing from Rock 'n Roll today.
P.S.: Since this one was mostly lyrics, I don't think I'm going to use them here.
24 October 2008
Of Elections, Sleep and Other Things
Man, I love days off. Like, legitimate days where I'm not expected in class. I slept in till 10am, and it felt great. I also voted today, go me! For my only other presidential election, I voted absentee. It was cool to go and actually vote in person. Since I'm in Socorro, the process took about 15 minutes, with about 12 of those actually voting. Not bad at all.
I'm sort of sleeping again. Last night I was up late because I wasn't expected anywhere today, so I'm not sure if that was any better. But the last two nights I've actually been sleeping. And this week, I even went to class. Maybe next week, I'll go back to work.
Oh, and I'm working on my car tomorrow. I really hope Peter and I get it working without any extra cost to me, cause I don't really have it right now.
"He plays an old guitar with a coin found by the phone"
I'm sort of sleeping again. Last night I was up late because I wasn't expected anywhere today, so I'm not sure if that was any better. But the last two nights I've actually been sleeping. And this week, I even went to class. Maybe next week, I'll go back to work.
Oh, and I'm working on my car tomorrow. I really hope Peter and I get it working without any extra cost to me, cause I don't really have it right now.
"He plays an old guitar with a coin found by the phone"
21 October 2008
Can't Sleep?
So, last week I was really fatigued. I slept a lot over the weekend, however, and have felt better. But now, I'm struggling to fall asleep when I want to. Two nights in a row now, I've gone to bed by about 1am, and have tossed and turned until about 3. As a result, I missed my first class yesterday, and work this morning.
This is going to have to stop, and I'm not sure how. I don't feel as tired as I did last week, but for some reason, it's harder for me to get to sleep than it should be, making it harder to wake up.
If anybody in Internet-Land has any suggestions, remedies, or home remedies, I'd greatly appreciate anything you can throw at me.
"Gimme back my wig."
This is going to have to stop, and I'm not sure how. I don't feel as tired as I did last week, but for some reason, it's harder for me to get to sleep than it should be, making it harder to wake up.
If anybody in Internet-Land has any suggestions, remedies, or home remedies, I'd greatly appreciate anything you can throw at me.
"Gimme back my wig."
Holy Crap!
I was just awakened from near-sleep with a revelation:
Tonight I received a call from a Pittsburgh, PA number. When I did a reverse lookup, it pulled up three names, two of which were at the same address. The two at the same address were Charlotte and Michael McGill. Now, this didn't mean much, because I don't know those people.
Except that I do.
Charlotte is Amanda's mom's name. Mike is the name of the man that wasn't Amanda's stepdad at the time I was dating her, but was espoused to her mom.
So, I got a call from her mom. Or someone at her mom's house.
Which is really weird, because she said she was in Canada in her last voicemail, so either she isn't, or she has her mom calling me now.
Either way, freaky. Just had to get it out there. Maybe I can sleep having figured that out.
"Hey unfaithful, I will teach you to be stronger, to be stronger. Hey ungraceful, I will teach you to forgive one another."
Tonight I received a call from a Pittsburgh, PA number. When I did a reverse lookup, it pulled up three names, two of which were at the same address. The two at the same address were Charlotte and Michael McGill. Now, this didn't mean much, because I don't know those people.
Except that I do.
Charlotte is Amanda's mom's name. Mike is the name of the man that wasn't Amanda's stepdad at the time I was dating her, but was espoused to her mom.
So, I got a call from her mom. Or someone at her mom's house.
Which is really weird, because she said she was in Canada in her last voicemail, so either she isn't, or she has her mom calling me now.
Either way, freaky. Just had to get it out there. Maybe I can sleep having figured that out.
"Hey unfaithful, I will teach you to be stronger, to be stronger. Hey ungraceful, I will teach you to forgive one another."
20 October 2008
Here's Hoping
Well, here's hoping this week is better than the last. I'm going to bed [a little] earlier, in hopes that I'll be up for my first class tomorrow. In all honesty, I slept a lot this weekend, and I feel better.
I just hope it lasts.
"No one knows what it's like to be the bad man, to be the sad man, behind blue eyes."
I just hope it lasts.
"No one knows what it's like to be the bad man, to be the sad man, behind blue eyes."
17 October 2008
How to Achieve Mental & Physical Stagnation
Ever since I got back from Tennessee, I've just felt fatigued. At first, I attributed it to jet lag, but by Wednesday, I figured that was out of the question.
But this seriously really sucks. I've missed class and work, neither of which I can really afford not to be doing right now, and I've just felt sluggish all around, barely leaving my house.
Today was better, sort of. My alarm clock didn't go off, so I woke up at 12.30, missing work. I also missed my two classes today because I couldn't get around. By this evening, I started feeling better, but then I tried to do some hw, and realized just how far behind I am in that class.
On a lighter note, Keith picked up some cabernet sauvignon, gorgonzola and bread. We made an evening out of it, and that was enjoyable.
Anyway, here's hoping I'm feeling more alive by next week (tomorrow would be good too)
"Your beauty does bereave me, and how my words do fail, so faithfully and dutifully I award You with betrayal"
But this seriously really sucks. I've missed class and work, neither of which I can really afford not to be doing right now, and I've just felt sluggish all around, barely leaving my house.
Today was better, sort of. My alarm clock didn't go off, so I woke up at 12.30, missing work. I also missed my two classes today because I couldn't get around. By this evening, I started feeling better, but then I tried to do some hw, and realized just how far behind I am in that class.
On a lighter note, Keith picked up some cabernet sauvignon, gorgonzola and bread. We made an evening out of it, and that was enjoyable.
Anyway, here's hoping I'm feeling more alive by next week (tomorrow would be good too)
"Your beauty does bereave me, and how my words do fail, so faithfully and dutifully I award You with betrayal"
08 October 2008
My 22-Hour Day
I'm now safely in Cleveland. Though, I wonder just exactly how safe being in Cleveland really is. Here are a few things I've experienced/learned today:
* Lake Michigan is HUGE-MONGOUS!! I mean, I had heard, but I literally thought I was at the edge of one of those video game levels where they don't bother rendering. It was just this gray nothing that at first looked like clouds on the horizon, until I saw a little sailboat.
* I met a real-life limey today! He was really cool. I think he said he was from Manchester. We sat next to each other on the plane from ABQ, and he was so excited about the mountains and the balloon fiesta and big deer. And his accent was great. Sadly, I'm not sure I got his name.
* O'hare is sort of a disappointing airport. I mean, I had heard about this airport all my life. But after Denver, Atlanta, and St. Paul/Minneapolis, O'hare just didn't do it for me.
* I've decided that being at an airport that only has pay-per-day internet is like being cut off from the true source. You know that it's there, and you can practically feel it, but when you reach out to touch it, it's just not there.
"I'm praying for the end of time to hurry up and arrive"
* Lake Michigan is HUGE-MONGOUS!! I mean, I had heard, but I literally thought I was at the edge of one of those video game levels where they don't bother rendering. It was just this gray nothing that at first looked like clouds on the horizon, until I saw a little sailboat.
* I met a real-life limey today! He was really cool. I think he said he was from Manchester. We sat next to each other on the plane from ABQ, and he was so excited about the mountains and the balloon fiesta and big deer. And his accent was great. Sadly, I'm not sure I got his name.
* O'hare is sort of a disappointing airport. I mean, I had heard about this airport all my life. But after Denver, Atlanta, and St. Paul/Minneapolis, O'hare just didn't do it for me.
* I've decided that being at an airport that only has pay-per-day internet is like being cut off from the true source. You know that it's there, and you can practically feel it, but when you reach out to touch it, it's just not there.
"I'm praying for the end of time to hurry up and arrive"
07 October 2008
Miles To Go Before I Sleep
Not sure why I'm quoting Frost in the title. It's sort of appropriate, since I have to pack and other things before bed, but I guess I just felt like it.
Hold on, this may be wordy, as a lot of stuff has happened in a short time, and I haven't channeled it in a while.
First off, let me just get this one out there: Amanda called again. She hasn't tried to contact me in months, probably since February. I don't understand what brought the sudden onset of her trying to get a hold of me, but there it is. I didn't actually talk to her. I got a voice mail. In it she was part sounding like she'd moved on, but then clearly was looking for my approval, or at least my acknowledgment, or something. I just don't understand why she can't let go. And it's not like it's been easy being single, but dating her was the worst decision I've ever made for myself, and I'll never willingly put myself back there. In the voice mail, she said she'd call back, and I'm not sure if I should answer next time, and share some explicit words with her, or if I should maintain the silence. I just wish I could get her to stop calling me. I don't want her, or even memory of her if I can help it, in my life any more.
Great Escape was awesome. Actually, the aforementioned happening sort of came at the perfect time: before the weekend instead of after. I probably would not have gone to class at all if she had called me when I got back from the weekend. But I'm rambling about her again. The topic for the retreat was John 4, which is the woman at the well. The speaker turned that into thirsting for God, and it was really cool. I don't have a lot of eloquent words for it, so I won't even try at this point. I will say that while I'm physically still recuperating, spiritually it was incredibly restful.
Oh, and the case of the missing dishes was solved! They were "found" back in the original packaging. Even the little cardboard dividers were in place, meaning the plates and bowls were all put back meticulously and with the utmost care. Now, I really don't want to speculate, but unless dish gnomes are rearranging our house, it seems the roommate who shall not be named is being incredibly pathetic and passive-aggressive. I can't wait until he actually moves out. All in all, however, this was really funny. Any frustration I'd normally be feeling right now pretty much went into laughter when I heard where the dishes were.
I'm flying to Tennessee tomorrow for the wedding. This particular one is Adam & Tina's. I'm so excited for them! There couldn't be a more deserving guy, and I'm just glad I can be a part of it. Though, I'm going to be in Chicago O'Hare for approximately 3 hours. Which is cool, because I've never seen that airport, and I'll really get to explore it. On the other hand, it's 3 hours in an airport. Good thing I recently took up Wheel of Time. These books make Tolkien look like a beginner's primer, at least lengthwise. I'm currently on book 4, The Shadow Rising, an
d it's really good. It was a very slow opener, in that it didn't start catching my interest until about page 400 or so, but I must say I'm enjoying it now. The plot of the series is very involved, but not convoluted (at least not yet), and it's something to keep me going for a while.
Anyway, wow. That was a rabbit trail, if ever I saw one. I'm so glad to be hanging out with some people I haven't seen in a while, and especially to be there for Adam & Tina's big day! I just hope the flights go ok. I'm not the best on planes, or in packed cars, or in not packed cars, or vehicles in general unless I'm driving. Not that I'm the best driver, I just get anxiety when I'm stuffed inside various modes of transportation.
I'm trying to think of closing remarks, but I'm at a loss, so I'm going to leave you with some Mewithoutyou lyrics:
"Why this safe distance, this curious look? Why tear out single pages when you can throw away the book? Why pluck one string when you can strum the guitar? Take down a guitar and strum the guitar, strum the guitar if you're afraid, and I'm afraid, and everyone's afraid! And everyone knows it. But we don't have to be afraid anymore."
Hold on, this may be wordy, as a lot of stuff has happened in a short time, and I haven't channeled it in a while.
First off, let me just get this one out there: Amanda called again. She hasn't tried to contact me in months, probably since February. I don't understand what brought the sudden onset of her trying to get a hold of me, but there it is. I didn't actually talk to her. I got a voice mail. In it she was part sounding like she'd moved on, but then clearly was looking for my approval, or at least my acknowledgment, or something. I just don't understand why she can't let go. And it's not like it's been easy being single, but dating her was the worst decision I've ever made for myself, and I'll never willingly put myself back there. In the voice mail, she said she'd call back, and I'm not sure if I should answer next time, and share some explicit words with her, or if I should maintain the silence. I just wish I could get her to stop calling me. I don't want her, or even memory of her if I can help it, in my life any more.
Great Escape was awesome. Actually, the aforementioned happening sort of came at the perfect time: before the weekend instead of after. I probably would not have gone to class at all if she had called me when I got back from the weekend. But I'm rambling about her again. The topic for the retreat was John 4, which is the woman at the well. The speaker turned that into thirsting for God, and it was really cool. I don't have a lot of eloquent words for it, so I won't even try at this point. I will say that while I'm physically still recuperating, spiritually it was incredibly restful.
Oh, and the case of the missing dishes was solved! They were "found" back in the original packaging. Even the little cardboard dividers were in place, meaning the plates and bowls were all put back meticulously and with the utmost care. Now, I really don't want to speculate, but unless dish gnomes are rearranging our house, it seems the roommate who shall not be named is being incredibly pathetic and passive-aggressive. I can't wait until he actually moves out. All in all, however, this was really funny. Any frustration I'd normally be feeling right now pretty much went into laughter when I heard where the dishes were.
I'm flying to Tennessee tomorrow for the wedding. This particular one is Adam & Tina's. I'm so excited for them! There couldn't be a more deserving guy, and I'm just glad I can be a part of it. Though, I'm going to be in Chicago O'Hare for approximately 3 hours. Which is cool, because I've never seen that airport, and I'll really get to explore it. On the other hand, it's 3 hours in an airport. Good thing I recently took up Wheel of Time. These books make Tolkien look like a beginner's primer, at least lengthwise. I'm currently on book 4, The Shadow Rising, an
d it's really good. It was a very slow opener, in that it didn't start catching my interest until about page 400 or so, but I must say I'm enjoying it now. The plot of the series is very involved, but not convoluted (at least not yet), and it's something to keep me going for a while.Anyway, wow. That was a rabbit trail, if ever I saw one. I'm so glad to be hanging out with some people I haven't seen in a while, and especially to be there for Adam & Tina's big day! I just hope the flights go ok. I'm not the best on planes, or in packed cars, or in not packed cars, or vehicles in general unless I'm driving. Not that I'm the best driver, I just get anxiety when I'm stuffed inside various modes of transportation.
I'm trying to think of closing remarks, but I'm at a loss, so I'm going to leave you with some Mewithoutyou lyrics:
"Why this safe distance, this curious look? Why tear out single pages when you can throw away the book? Why pluck one string when you can strum the guitar? Take down a guitar and strum the guitar, strum the guitar if you're afraid, and I'm afraid, and everyone's afraid! And everyone knows it. But we don't have to be afraid anymore."
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