Right now, I'm sick and tired of being demonized because my faith doesn't look like somebody else's. I've spent too many months feeling awkward because one of my roommates and my parents don't necessarily think that what I'm doing with myself is something a Christian would do. Not awkward because I felt they were right and I wanted to change to meet their standards, but awkward because I didn't want them to think I was this evil person.
But I guess I'm just going to be perceived as evil by some. My choices to drink, have the occasional cigar, and whatever else I do that pisses people off is going to do just that. I'm not going to try and make them happy, or even hope that they eventually change their minds and don't see me as "in sin" or "evil." If I'm in sin, I want to know, but otherwise, it's nobody's business buy mine and God's.
I don't want to have a "to hell with it all" attitude, but I'll go crazy if I stress over what my parents/roommate will probably always think. So, I'm not going to bother even thinking I don't want them to feel that way. Let them fast for me. Let them quietly feel I'm in sin. My salvation is between me and God, and I'm confident that while our relationship isn't perfect, it's our own, it's unique, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
People in NM, don't take this the wrong way, but I really right now wish I were in TN, surrounded by people who not only don't judge me for this, but actually accept me. I know I have friends here that do, and I can't explain why I'm feeling this way, but I really want to be affirmed by my brethren out east right now.
"What if I say I'm not like the others?"
About Me
- Marcus
- Socorro, New Mexico, United States
- I'm a professional student of Engineering. I work in a basement lab, and I love what I do. Spreading God's fame is the most important thing in my life, and as a result, I'm currently in charge of putting together a weekly meeting of Christians on my campus. If you need to know more, just ask.
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3 comments:
I know I'm not one of yr Eastern Brethren or anything, but...
I try not to be of the "to heck with ye" attitude, but that comes out far more often than it probably should. But seriously? Your relationship with God is not theirs, nor is it mine. It's yours, and you are you and nobody else. The only model we should look at for our behavior is Jesus, end of story. He made us all different and unique. And if certain housemates don't like our uniqueness, well... bah. =P
This was mostly in response to my family, which has a disapproving attitude toward my drinking, but a "don't ask, don't tell" policy. Which means the aunts don't wait to tell each other stuff, and don't ask us younger ones about it.
You are definitely not alone in this. During most of my time in the Mission, I felt demonized because my faith didn't fit the mold of what certain people thought it should look like. Those feelings still resurface sometimes when I'm around typical Cleveland church-goers, if you know what I mean. I know that most people mean well- I'm sure that most people, including your parents are genuinely trying to follow God the best way they know how. But God is infinitely bigger than the boxes so many people and denominations try to fit Him into. Trying to remember that people are well-intentioned as well as the fact that God is bigger than any of us can comprehend has helped tame my "to hell with it" attitude while still staying confident in my beliefs.
Adam and I can't wait to talk to you tonight! And our guestroom is always open if you ever need to come out here!
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