Ravenous

I'm sick of being complacent. I haven't been to church in Socorro for a while (though, I go when I'm in ABQ), because I just haven't felt like I've been getting what I need out of them. That's not to say that the one in Albuquerque is filling me completely, but I think it's a step in the direction I'm looking.

To be honest, I don't really know what I want from a church. All I really do know right now is that I want more of God. I want to see His face more, to look where His head turns, and to see what it is that makes His heart beat faster. I want to ponder what He ponders, and weep about what He weeps about.

I just want to feel closer to Him. Not in a superficial way, that will be gone as soon as it comes, but in a lasting, every day sort of way. I don't know what this looks like, or how I'm going to go about attaining it. I don't want something that I can necessarily get at church, because if I can get it in its completeness there, it's likely it won't last very long once I leave the building. What's sufficient for a church building often isn't when real life becomes the setting for my story.

Honestly, I don't know what possessed me to write this. This semester has seen its ups and downs: I've seen someone come to Christ, and I've seen someone decide they don't believe in God. I've loved (this doesn't necessarily refer to people) and hated (this does and doesn't). I've been a terrible Christian, and I've known without a shadow of a doubt that I was exactly where God wanted me doing what He wanted me to do.

After all of that, I just want more. I want something deeper. We've been studying John in large group, and though I was planning on moving toward something that may be a little deeper, but in actuality probably not, now I think I want to study Hebrews. I want my chapter to read something that is less narrative, and more one guy's completely dumbstruck response to who Jesus is. And I want to encounter Him and respond. And I want people at NMT to do the same.

This was jumbled, and for that, I'm sorry you didn't have something more linear to read. I won't apologize for the Christ-centric nature of it, but I will say I understand if that's not what you were looking to read. Either way, thank you for reading this far.

"You alone are what my soul needs, You know the thirst is taking over"