The Raggedy Edge

First Post of 2010!

2010-01-15T20:42:00.003-07:00

Let me just get the apologies for not posting for a while out of the way. I know it's been a while. So, sorry adoring Internet.

Ok, so for my first post in a while, I bring you, not a beer review, but rather a song review. But first, I want to try something different. I'm going (assuming I remember) to start off each post henceforth with a sort of 'status' of what media I'm taking in. Often, these books and pieces of music will have bearing on the topic, or at least my mood while writing the post. And hey, if I turn someone on to good books & music, that's practically a service, right? A free one, at that!

Ok, here goes:

Currently

Reading: The Smell of Sin and the Fresh Air of Grace - Don Everts

Listening to: It's All Crazy! It's All False! It's All A Dream! It's Alright. - mewithoutYou

Ok, so as I mentioned before, the music & books may sometimes actually have bearing on the topic at hand. In this case, it's a song from the cd, called 'A Stick, A Carrot & A String.' To put it frankly, this song paints one of the most beautiful pictures of Jesus I think I've ever seen. So far, I've cried every time I've heard it, and I can't even say that about most songs in the 'worship' genre today. The lyrics are quite long (though well worth it), so I won't bother writing them all down here, but they should most definitely be checked out. I will post one of the more moving parts:

The night was cool and clear as glass with a sneaking snake in the garden grass

Deep cried out to deep, the disciples fast asleep

The snake perked up when he heard you ask, "If You're willing that this cup might pass,

I could find my way back home, maybe start a family all our own."

But does not the Father guide the Son?

"Not my will, but Yours be done!

What else here to do? What else me, but You?"

I won't go on forever about this, but this image we see, of Jesus wanting to give up this unbearable calling, and yet still, his humility brings him to the response, "What else me, but You?" God, I wish I could have the humility to say that to the Father when He brings something to me that I don't want to do! Which seems like a lot of the time.

That's all, for now. Hopefully there will be more frequent musing of life, love, beer and music from now on.

It's A Bit Nutty

2009-07-17T13:05:00.002-06:00

Today, I'll be talking about Oak Creek Brewing Company's Nut Brown Ale. If you got the Austin Powers reference, extra super bonus points for you, but no, it doesn't resemble feces in the slightest.

I've only had a few different types of nut browns, so I don't think I can call this typical. Newcastle was the first, and is my favorite. It's a bit lighter, but still flavorful. The next was Santa Fe Brewing Company, and it was darker than the Newcastle, and richer.

Oak Creek resembles Santa Fe more closely. It's dark, rich and, well, nutty. The flavor was very robust, a little sweet, with a very slight hint of maple. All in all, very good. I'd probably give it four stars if I did that sort of thing.

While it wasn't surprisingly, eye-openingly the best nut brown I've ever had, Oak Creek Nut Brown is a very tasty microbrewed ale. I would very much suggest it, if you have the chance.

"Don't go making phony calls. Please stick to the seven-digit numbers you're used to."

Here I Go Again On My Own

2009-07-09T12:45:00.005-06:00

This is officially the second blog that will have anything to do with beer. Enjoy. As you will soon read, hopefully this will be more regular for a couple of weeks.

Ok, so my friend Travis scored me 8 exotic-ish beers, most of which I've never heard of. The one I have, Moose Drool, I've already tried. I really enjoyed it, so I'm glad to have another, and I'll give a review when I get to that one. Here are the beers I got:

Czechvar, Belhaven Scottish Ale, Kiltlifter, Warsteiner Dunkel, Black Jack Porter, Moose Drool, Oak Creek Nut Brown, and finally, something I'm very excited about, Krusovice. The first and the last are Czech beers, and the last apparently cost $3 for the bottle. I'll be saving that one for last.

Today, I'm trying the Czechvar. First, some backstory. In America, we know Budweiser. This started from some Czech immigrants that decided upon coming here, that whatever was available to them didn't meet the standards they set in Prague. Thus, Budweiser was born. The actuall beer from Prague is apparently called Budvar, but that would confuse dumb Americans, so it's Czechvar in the states.

Czechvar is, essentially, what Budweiser is trying to be.

Ok, so onto the beer itself. If you've ever had Budweiser, this won't be wholly unfamiliar to you. In fact, if you've had lagers, this will probably ring a bell. Right off the bat, this has noticeably more flavor than Bud. So far, nothing stands out to me as either "über good," or "that tastes like crap." It's slightly malty, but nothing like a Killian's. The hops are noticeable, but not overpowering. All in all, it's good, but I'm liking it less now that it's not from-the-fridge-cold, and I don't think I was in love at first sip.

All in all, I'd say, if you ever get the chance to experience Czechvar, give it a go. It's different enough to be fun, but similar enough to what you may know to not throw you for too much of a loop. Definitely better than it's bastard American successor.

"I'm in the business of misery, let's take it from the top."

New Things

2009-06-16T20:48:00.005-06:00

Ok, so I've given it some thought, and I think I want to take the blog in a slightly newer direction. I'm talking, of course, of reviewing beer. Now, I'm no expert, so this will most likely be me sharing my insights on the beers I try as I broaden my horizons.

Not to worry, if you've grown to be a fan of the whiny, emo, high-school-girl syndrome blog. There will still be a place for that. In fact, this will still be primarily that. But I figured, since I'm writing online, I may as well write something I enjoy, and something I know a little about (albeit, not much, but that's why I'm doing this!)

I'm not sure what form this will take, be it a weekly thing, a monthly thing, or what. For now, I'm not going to give it that form. I'll explore the freedom of irregular updates and whatnot. This won't be just for new things I've tried, as I've been doing this for about 2 years now. Rest assured, you'll hear plenty about some of my favorites.

And this new adventure is also not limited to beer. If ever I try something new that I like, or dislike, or if I just really enjoy something to the point that I have to mention it, it'll be here. I hope you enjoy.

This post, I'm going to be talking about something I just recently tried: Kelly's Brew Pub Oatmeal Stout. If you're not in the ABQ area, Kelly's is a local brewery/burger joint in the Nob Hill/UNM area. You can even brew your own beer there. Anyway, last Saturday was my first time eating there, and despite the at times slow service, my experience was a pleasant one.

When the beer was brought, the dark stout started making me thirsty to try it. The aroma was rich and full. The flavor, smooth and malty, almost sweet. From the moment I started sipping, to the bottom of the pint, I was thoroughly pleased. I even finished the rest of my cousin's (she's a bit of a lightweight :D ). All in all, I really enjoyed trying their oatmeal stout and will be back again to try the many different brews available.

Ok, so I know my descriptions are a bit weak, but I'm just going to give it a go. What do you think? Have you tried it? What beers do you like? Any suggestions on what I should try for my next post on the subject?

"Go on, take the money and run"

It's Been Too Long.

2009-06-04T23:17:00.003-06:00

It really has been too long since I exercised my typing fingers. I feel like too much has gone on to blog about in the sort of detail the events in my life deserve. If you're interested, ask me sometime. We can chat over a cup of coffee, a beer, or a cigar. Whatever sounds best.

I will say a few things:

I passed microcontrollers. I've never been so happy for a C in my entire life. I'm not sure i've been that excited for an A, either. That was a sure hurdle. I thank God for the clarity of mind and the favor w/ my professor needed to pull that one off.

Chapter camp was amazing. I really feel like I want to reevaluate why I'm even at college. I really want to see God move at Tech next year, whatever it's going to look like.

My good friend Keith has decided to stay in Socorro. This has come as a very welcome thing, since I thought that most of my guy friends would be gone, or at very least, living some distance away. I hope to build that relationship this summer and in the fall.

Ok, so those are the things that all probably deserved a whole post. Like I said, ask if you really want to know. Now for some more current-type events.

The Saturn is on its way out. If people are interested, I might start up a betting pool for people to guess when it either dies or I get rid of it. The countdown is on, and I hope to buy a jeep before it reaches 0. If there is interest, something more formal will be decided.

I was digging through all my old stuff at my parents' house, which is now here (or some of it, at least), and I ran into stuff pictures of me and Amanda. I honestly was caught off guard, as I thought I had pretty much destroyed all of that. Needless to say, it all got ripped up rather quickly and painlessly. I did think it was funny, however, that I still had a birthday card from her mother, addressed "to my futer son-in-law (hopefully)." And by "think it was funny," I of course mean "shivered at the dark presence that seemed to enter the room." I couldn't have destroyed the thing fast enough. Just so weird what I held onto without remembering that I had.

As I said before, I want a Jeep. Specifically a Cherokee. A manual transmission would be ideal, but I'll honestly take anything that's going to be reliable. My friends pointed my attention to one that looks to be a good deal, and I intend to go see it next weekend, if it hasn't sold. However, I've been giving this loan thing a thought, and I think that I'm not going to do it. Even a small loan will tie me down for three years or more. And I can raise the money, if I put my head down and go for it. I hope. Maybe I'll check again when school starts, and see if I still need some extra, and take out a smaller one. But we'll just have to wait & see on that. Buying it outright would be the best, I think.

Well, that's all in my head for now. I'm sure I'll get back into the swing of things, dear Internet. I haven't forgotten you. ;)

"They swear their love is real; they mean 'I like the way you make me feel.' "

No Regrets? But I Don't Want To Swim In The Kiddy Pool!

2009-04-14T18:39:00.004-06:00

I've recently taken myself off of the market. Now, this won't look any different from when I was the market, except that when people ask (and with my family, they will), I can tell them that I'm not dating for my own reasons. That way, I can sound wise, and like I've put a lot of thought into it. And if I'm in a Christian crowd, I'll get the double bonus of having them assume that my hiatus from dating is for spiritual reasons. I'm here to let you readers in on a secret: I'm off the market, because I'm sick of wasting energy on all the bullshit of trying to find a relationship. It hurts too much, and maybe I'm just getting old, but it makes me tired just thinking of trying to "date" someone right now. So, if you are around me, and you hear me say, "Oh, I'm off the market," you'll know deep down that you're privy to some pretty confidential info that only everybody with an internet connection can see (but a lot of them don't know that).

My cousin and I got to talking, about school, relationships, and things we regret about both. And she said, "If you didn't have regrets, you wouldn't be human." Now, this got me thinking about all those people you hear about/see around/know that talk about living life with "no regrets." And you know what I think? I think it is impossible to have no regrets without having a completely shallow existence! Which, for me, would be a huge regret. As for me, yeah, I've had some pretty shitty parts to an otherwise great existence thus far. And I do regret certain things, like dating that immature little girl when I could have come to tech a year earlier than I did. And failing those classes last spring. But you know what? That's just part of my experience of this STD called life! I have so much more about life that I enjoy, and the good outweighs the bad. In fact, the bad helps me give some contrast to the good, so I can see just how good it really is!

That's all I really have for now. I really have to get to some homework, I just thought that I had to get this out, or I might lose it. Do with it what you will.

"And the problem, it seems, is with you and me--not the love who came to repair everything."

Putting off Math

2009-04-08T00:14:00.003-06:00

One of these days, my posts won't have to do with school. One of these days, my posts won't have to do with girls. One of these days, I'll feel confident in my abilities, my intelligence, my personality, and current status. One of these days, the term "Professional Student" will be a joke, and not a statement of fact. One of these days, I'll have a degree. One of these days, I'll put more trust in who I am in God, and not worry about where I am in the world. One of these days, I'll meet the girl of my dreams, and when I call her, she'll get excited; I'll hear it in her voice. One of these days, I won't define where I am by where I've been, or where I want to be. I'll just define where I am by where I am, and enjoy it for what it is. One of these days, I'll be up front with my feelings, and not let humor cover what's really going on. One of these days, I won't let the little stuff get to me. One of these days, I'll be able to hang out with people my own age on a regular basis. One of these days, I'll be better on the real guitar than on Rock Band. One of these days, I won't feel like I'm not important to the people I care about, but one of these days, it won't really matter that much to me. One of these days, I'll learn the difference between what I want and what I need. One of these days, I'll take everything to God before it happens, not after. One of these days, I'll bring God my joy as well as my sorrow. One of these days, I'll have a man room complete with guitars and equipment, pool table, cigar humidor and various types of whiskey. One of these days, that room will probably have to become a second house. One of these days, I'll feel less insecure about how women see me. One of these days, I won't feel like the only one in my circle who isn't married or dating. One of these days, I may shave the beard -- but don't count on it. One of these days, my only experience dating someone won't end in sadness. One of these days, I won't have to hide who I am from certain people, however well-meaning they are. One of these days, I'll care about others more than myself. One of these days, I'll stop writing horribly formatted blog posts at 12:30am, and do my homework and get some sleep instead. :P

"But that's the problem! We never speak to Him!"

Perception vs. Reality, or, How to Write a Speech at 1AM

2009-04-06T01:20:00.005-06:00

I only have five more weeks of classes. Well, this semester, at least. The crunch has officially hit this week, with speech, exam, and presentation all happening, all by Wednesday. To be fair, the exam is take-home, and not due until next week. Nevertheless, this week is going to hurt.

So, in the spirit of the headless chicken, I've decided to pound out another stream-of-consciousness style blog. This may seem random, and it probably is, but it's basically a mental dump. Whatever's in there is going to come out here, and in no particular order. So sit back, grab a cold beer and a loved one, and enjoy.

I am so ready to be done with school. This weekend showed me that possibly more than anything so far. I helped Dave move on Saturday, which was a blast, and pretty exhausting. But I got to spend all day with people who have moved on (and one who hasn't quite!) with their lives. We didn't talk about their memories of school, or my next two years of it. We just moved house. And ate. And spent time together. It was a total blast.

Then today, I had lunch with some cousins and friends, most of whom have graduated or will be in May, and that was, in a word, great. The conversation turned a little nerdy at points, but to be honest, that is something I secretly enjoy (maybe not so secretly). But just having a meal with people my age and older was so much fun.

Anyway, this weekend was great for my desires in the area of hanging out, and probably not so great for my patience. Well, don't worry. I'm back at school with people who were born in 1990, so I'll get un-used to how great this weekend felt shortly.

I want to play guitar like my pastor. The guy is amazing. And doesn't really give lessons. Not that I could afford any, so I'm going down the road of the more-or-less self-taught (I learned the basics from an amazing NM guitarist named Eric, from Tijeras), and hopefully I can eventually sound close. I now have my old poster of guitar scales, so that's a step in the right direction, right?

As much as I don't like dressing up, I brought my suit down for my speech. It looks dang sharp, and I think it'll help on Tuesday. I've given up the research for the night, and I'm calling it quits as soon as this is finished, I just couldn't seem to sleep before I typed a little.

Is it bad that one of my cousin's best friends has been in my head lately? She's 2 years older than me, and has a kid. As far as I know, the father is out of the picture, and for some reason, I've been thinking about her a lot lately. Like, in an 'attraction' sense. I'm sure it's nothing. I don't want to have my own kids, let alone find myself in a relationship with someone who already has one. And I'm pretty sure she's not interested at all. I just have this weird thing where periodically, one of the very few women in my life (that isn't related to me or in a relationship with someone else) pops into my head for a time before I either build it up into something it isn't (my recent venture w/ Kelsey), or diffuses into nothing (about 90% of other women I know). It's just weird that this particular girl even came into my head. I'm not saying, I'm just saying.

^^The above is the reason this post isn't going on fb, so if you know me, please don't mention it to me anywhere near there, or in physical public.

And now, the sleepiness has reached a point where whatever I would type next would either be redundant, or in a language only spoken by people talking to babies and the very drunk. As such, I'm off. Take anything you read, and do with it what you will. Or don't. I make no claims that my thoughts or words will heal the sick, or put hair back on your head. I only offer them for you to ponder. And to promise a 30% deduction in your credit card debt (not certifiable anywhere).

"There must be some kind of way out of here"

St. Patty's To-Do List

2009-03-17T09:36:00.002-06:00

Happy St. Patrick's Day! Today is a great day to explore your Irish heritage, since everybody is Irish today! Here are some suggestions from an actual Irishman (yours truly) to make today fierce deadly:

Be sure to wear green. It accentuates the Irish in your hair and skin tone.
Find the nearest pub, or other place that might be serving corned beef and cabbage. Have some.
It's a good idea to wash that down with a pint of black stuff. Guinness is a good one, and imminently available.
Car Bombs! How: 1 pint Guinness, 1/2 shot bailey's, 1/2 shot Jameson (or other Irish Whiskey, bot in the same shot glass). Get ready. Drop shot glass in beer. The yeast in beer will curdle the Irish cream, so you have to drink it fast. The college terminology is "pound it."
Note: The above can make one bollixed, ossified, or even three sheets to the wind.
A good background for any of this would be to start a Flogging Molly or Dropkick Murphys station on Pandora. The listening will be great all day.

Well, That's all I have for now. I hope you have a great St. Patty's filled with fun, beer, friends, and don't forget: Beer.

"No ball or chain nor prison shall keep, we're the rebels of the sacred heart"

Thanks For Standing By...Less Emo Posts To Come

2009-03-10T21:02:00.002-06:00

Spring break is upon me, and I must say, so far it has been quite the break. Here's what has gone down so far:

I moved juniper branches & stumps from my friend Rod's backyard. While there was payment involved, I had a genuinely good time getting dirty and sore.
I ran into a friend I haven't seen in a while, Mike, at Satellite coffee, and ended up going to see Watchmen for free!
I felt old at a concert (attended by mostly 13-year-olds) where one of my favorite bands, Disciple, really rocked hard, and brought back a legitimate head-banger's experience. I still have a crick in my neck. Like I said, old.
I had coffee today with a good friend, and some new ones.

I had a great lunch w/ Mikey and talked about IV stuff.

I did my nm state taxes.
I got a haircut.
I actually got to sleep in, 2 days in a row!!
I had a wonderful time having dinner, conversations, and watching Frasier (Hail to you corkmaster!) with Peter & Kathleen

And the week is only half over. I'm back in Socorro now, ready to maybe hit the hay a little early, so I can be bright-eyed and bushy-tailed for work tomorrow. I still have some homework to work on for Monday, but I believe in taking spring break as slowly as possible.

I may actually feel rested enough to take on the rest of the semester when it comes. More on that to follow.

"The arena is empty except for one man, driving and striving as fast as he can."

Can't Sleep...Something Will Eat Me.

2009-02-26T23:13:00.003-07:00

I've been sick for two days now. And guess what-I can't sleep! The next few lines will be my attempt to just type until maybe I can just drift off. It'll sort of be stream of consciousness style, so if you don't like that, click on one of the blogs I read for something different...

I've rediscovered Flogging Molly. I honestly haven't listened to them since Amanda, though I kept all the stuff I got from her. I guess deep down I knew I liked them in a way that transcended her. Which is good, because I'm really enjoying this Flogging Molly station on Pandora I recently started listening to. Too bad I'm too dizzy to dance a jig...

I have a microcontrollers exam in approximately 13h20m from when I post this. I've been studying. I'll also have time after vectors to look at the assembly stuff more directly. I really have to do good in this class. It's something I can't retake. I mean, I physically can, but I'm already burnt as far as school goes, and I want to make a better go of it this time.

Alright, so Netflix is a beautiful thing. Without which, I would never have discovered such great television as The Sopranos, Heroes, or Weeds. All of which I would recommend, but if ye be havin' what we call "virgin ears," ye should probably be stayin' away. I especially like The Sopranos, but I think Weeds has ignited within me a forbidden love for Mary-Louise Parker. She has gorgeous eyes, and she sells weed (in the show)!

Pretty sure Kenya is out this year. What with Chapter Camp (which I've recently been told is more or less mandatory for me) so soon, and Urbana also happening, I feel like Kenya is A) the farthest reach, and B) the one happening with most frequently. I mean, The Global Project will happen next year, but Urbana won't, and if this is really going to be my first CC as President of my IV chapter, I really need to focus on those.

I want to learn to ride a motorcycle so bad. That's something that's just been building in me for some time now, and I really think it's something I want to try. I'm afraid of a lot. I want to not be afraid of this, and maybe something like this will help me conquer some other fears as well.

This last part likely won't be repeated on fb, because more people are likely to see it:

It's recently come to my attention that I may be being used to fulfill the attention/affection need of a girl. If you know me, you know who. I really don't have that much to go on, except the sudden change in behavior of said girl. I'm not going to make any assumptions until I talk to her, and I'm not going to talk to her unless I notice a pattern forming. But man, if that's true, I'll just be done. I don't even think I have the energy to be angry with her if that's the case. That'll just be it for me as far as relationships go, at least for a while. A long while. And believe me, I've already stopped looking for some time, but I just don't think I can deal with something like that.

I really hope it's not true.

It would be great for the affection/attention to come my way for once.

"If I ever leave this world alive, I'll come back down and sit beside your feet tonight"

Well, Fancy That

2009-02-23T19:01:00.003-07:00

So, as anybody who I've talked to knows, I recently asked a girl out, and was rejected. She gave me the usual lines that I've heard tons of times before. One thing she said was that she still wanted to be friends. So far, that has proven true. Things have not gotten awkward, and if anything, we're at least as comfortable around each other as we were before.

Something happened this weekend, though. Not only was she very comfortable around me, she displayed behavior that seemed at the time to be flirting. We were at our spring conference with InterVarsity, and while most of the time was spent in intensive study, we had some free time during the evenings. During those times, she seemed to want to maintain physical contact. A lot. And she stole my hat on a couple of occasions. I only mention the latter because it has happened before, and it was flirting then.

Needless to say, I came away confused. I spent a lot of Sunday wondering about what went on, and gathering advice as to whether or not I should bring this to her attention. I've decided not to do so, at least until I can gather more info and decide if this is going to be a pattern.

But after a while of wondering and pondering, I realized (with the help of the advice/wisdom of a friend) that I still have quite a bit of self-dislike (I really don't think it's as bad as calling it self-hatred) to work through. Who knew? Anyway, I'm currently trying to find ways to like myself again. Or something. We'll see how this goes.

"I wish you would step back from that ledge, my friend"

Let me wax emo for just a moment...

2009-02-05T00:03:00.002-07:00

Ok, I know I haven't posted in a while, but this isn't going to be a regular post where I just ponder, or relate life experience. I'm going to shamelessly use the following paragraphs to vent in such a manner as to be called 'emotive.' If you don't like that, nobody's going to make you read it, and hopefully I'll get to [somewhat] regular posts soon, and they won't be like this.

I was rejected again. flat-out told she wasn't interested. What's sad about it is, I actually made it to a first date before she said no, although, she probably wouldn't consider it such. Anyway, that's really not such a big deal. She's been really great about not being weird yet, in that she actually initiated a conversation with me after the fact. She seems to legitimately want to remain friends, and for that I can be thankful. I know the end result the last time a girl was sincere about remaining friends was most definitely a good one.

But what really depresses/confuses/pisses me off is that I just can't catch a damn break. I feel like I'm always the guy who likes the girl, and it's going to end hopelessly with her not interested, or interested in someone else, or whatever. While there may be no merit to it, your self-esteem is not helped when you are rejected by every girl you've ever asked out except for the half-crazy lesbian.

I know that's not where I'm supposed to derive my self-esteem, and honestly, it's not. But it's the one area in my life that I've been unsuccessful at every single time. Everything else I've ever done, I've seen through to completion, save college, which is still a work in progress. The only thing I've failed at every time is having some sort of romantic relationship.

Anyway, there's really nothing more to say. I'm not going to go cut my wrists and write a poem. That's narcissistic bullshit. In a couple of days, I'll have moved on, and I'll be fine. I just needed an out. I hope the next post will bear happier tidings.

"Pepperoni and green peppers, mushrooms, olives, chives"

Not Tomorrow...

2009-01-04T11:44:00.002-07:00

Yet again, I feel challenged by one of my pastor's sermons. I don't want to go into a whole lot of detail, because honestly, detail isn't what I remember here. But the underlying message was to stop waiting for a convenient time to serve God, and to start today. That's what I feel challenged to do.

One thing I've always struggled with is spending time daily with God in the Word and in prayer. There are always a million (that's 10^6) reasons not to do something, and this, unfortunately, does not miraculously exclude spending time with God. It's sort of funny, because I am constantly saying I want my relationship with God to grow closer, but have done little to make it happen on my end. I aim to change that.

I'm not sure if I'm going to try to start reading the Bible in the morning, which I think is pretty lofty, given my track record there, or in the evening, when I feel like I go to sleep and forget what I read. Maybe I'll try to work sometime during my day to cut away and spend with God. Either way, I'm not going to put it off any longer. I'm going to spend more time with God every day.

Keep in mind, this is not a "New Year's Resolution." I despise those, because we as a society have arbitrarily picked a day to decide to change our lives. There's no more "meaning" in changing your life in January than there is in September, save what meaning we may assign there. I'm not going to try to "do this for 2009," because I want it to be something more than that. And, needless to say, I'll probably fail, especially early on, and I don't want the though of a failed resolution being an encouragement for giving up altogether.

Take it or leave it, but that's what's on my mind right now.

"Pardon me while I burst into flames"

Freedom! Or, What Am I Doing Here?

2008-12-22T16:57:00.003-07:00

It's done! This semester is finally over! And what's better, I didn't fail anything! A year ago, the preceding wouldn't be a sentence worth finishing with an exclamation, but that's where I am now. To be honest, I got mediocre grades, but I passed everything, so I'm happy for now. I'm still going to have to kick it up a couple of notches in order to maintain 1) my scholarship, and 2) my sense of dignity. But from here on out, I have no need (nor desire) to take more than 13 hours (give or take) ever again! It won't get me out faster, and it's only going to add pain to my life, so I'm not going to do it. Here's hoping for a good finish (by finish, I clearly mean 2.5 years).

I haven't rested up from the semester quite yet, but I still have approximately four weeks to do just that, so I'm not feeling too bad just yet.

I heard a really good sermon yesterday. I haven't felt that in a while, but yesterday was really good. Pastor Chuck likes n-point sermons, and he usually makes those points alliterative. Some may say that it's a pre-canned sermon-in-a-book type thing, but I don't think so. For one, he's so personal and down-to-earth, and his sermons don't feel forced. For two, I really think he structures his sermons that way so they stick in the brain easier. I could be wrong, but until proven otherwise, I'm going to believe that his sermons are sincere, if not a little bit catchy.

Anyway, like I said, I really liked what I heard yesterday. Yesterday fit the formula with n = 3, and the letter with which to alliterate (word?) was "A":

1)Affirm that nothing is more important than seeking Christ
2)Acknowledge God is the giver of all good things
3)Act on what we know to be true

Ok, so there was a lot in between those three points, these were the focal points of the sermon. I think I especially needed to hear (1) (again!), because lately, I've definitely been seeking stuff that isn't Jesus. I have girls on the brain, as well as school and work. Well, that's basically all of my life at the moment, but the point is that I haven't been looking for Jesus in my everyday life. Again. There's not much else to say here, I just wanted to point that out.

The rest of the message was also very applicable to where I am right now, but that first point is just what stuck with me the most. I also really appreciated how he didn't end the service by praying that God give us the ability to recognize these things in our lives, but rather made it something we each had to determine to think on our own. While that's harder than praying that God make it available for me, I know that's how life goes sometimes, so I liked that he didn't try to take the easy way with that one.

Needless to say, I'm a bit jaded in my life right now, so I know that just by typing, "I Marcus, will determine my self to (1), (2) and (3) for the year of 2009," that I won't actually be doing what I need to be doing. However, for the sake of getting it out of my chest, I am going to do my best over the next year to seek after Christ more. Here's hoping I remember this tomorrow...

"Where there is pain, let there be grace. Where there is suffering, bring serenity."

Couldn't Stand The Weather

2008-12-06T17:55:00.003-07:00

Sorry I haven't updated in a while. A lot has happened since my last post, but in a way, a lot hasn't happened, as well.

I think since I last posted about it, I got a confirmed "I'll never call you again" from you-know-who. Which means that yeah, I did call her. But here's the deal: My good friend Lisa was telling me that sometimes you have to run, like when Potiphar's wife was trying to seduce Joseph. He couldn't have sat and talked it out with her, because his convictions were at stake. But sometimes, you have to face stuff head-on, and kill it where it stands. Now, let me be frank. Last year, my convictions were dearly at stake. I knew I had to run, even if it meant leaving my favorite jacket in the clutches of a seductress, because I knew I wouldn't have the strength to hold to my beliefs, those beliefs being that having Amanda in my life was hurting me. But a year has gone by, and I'm a lot stronger now. She can't tempt me the way she could've a year ago. Now, this isn't to say that she's some evil seductress. In all honesty, we were both seducing each other constantly. So, I called her, and laid out why I stopped calling. I then told her why I thought it would be best if we didn't speak again. She didn't seem happy, but she agreed.

Anyway, the semester is good, but busy. To Adam & Tina, I love you both, and I'm glad I made your wedding, but know that yours is the only one I think I'll ever leave mid-semester for, because I just got too far behind, and in some [small] ways, I'm still playing catch up. I'm not trying to make you feel guilty. I'm so freaking glad I got to be there with you on your big day, but I can't afford to do that probably ever again (Read: the next 3 years or so while I'm in college). Anyway, at least I don't feel like I'm failing anything. I have a couple of C's, which is borderline in my degree (believe it or not!), but they're high C's, and I may be able to change at least one of them to a B.

Like I said, not much else is going on right now, so I'll leave you with this: I think my love for Stevie Ray Vaughan has been reignited. He's my favorite guitarist. That is all.

"That's how it happens, livin' life by the drop."

Sick And Tired

2008-11-28T01:20:00.002-07:00

Right now, I'm sick and tired of being demonized because my faith doesn't look like somebody else's. I've spent too many months feeling awkward because one of my roommates and my parents don't necessarily think that what I'm doing with myself is something a Christian would do. Not awkward because I felt they were right and I wanted to change to meet their standards, but awkward because I didn't want them to think I was this evil person.

But I guess I'm just going to be perceived as evil by some. My choices to drink, have the occasional cigar, and whatever else I do that pisses people off is going to do just that. I'm not going to try and make them happy, or even hope that they eventually change their minds and don't see me as "in sin" or "evil." If I'm in sin, I want to know, but otherwise, it's nobody's business buy mine and God's.

I don't want to have a "to hell with it all" attitude, but I'll go crazy if I stress over what my parents/roommate will probably always think. So, I'm not going to bother even thinking I don't want them to feel that way. Let them fast for me. Let them quietly feel I'm in sin. My salvation is between me and God, and I'm confident that while our relationship isn't perfect, it's our own, it's unique, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

People in NM, don't take this the wrong way, but I really right now wish I were in TN, surrounded by people who not only don't judge me for this, but actually accept me. I know I have friends here that do, and I can't explain why I'm feeling this way, but I really want to be affirmed by my brethren out east right now.

"What if I say I'm not like the others?"

Quick Music Review: Who Are You

2008-11-18T20:24:00.003-07:00

Who Are You by The Who is definitely one of their best albums. I would recommend it to anyone who is looking for something different. It has a little of everything: Rock, Blues, a hint of synthesizers. I torrented the album, but I will be paying money for this one.

Ok, now you can get back to your lives.

"Who are you? I really wanna know"

Ravenous

2008-11-17T23:21:00.002-07:00

I'm sick of being complacent. I haven't been to church in Socorro for a while (though, I go when I'm in ABQ), because I just haven't felt like I've been getting what I need out of them. That's not to say that the one in Albuquerque is filling me completely, but I think it's a step in the direction I'm looking.

To be honest, I don't really know what I want from a church. All I really do know right now is that I want more of God. I want to see His face more, to look where His head turns, and to see what it is that makes His heart beat faster. I want to ponder what He ponders, and weep about what He weeps about.

I just want to feel closer to Him. Not in a superficial way, that will be gone as soon as it comes, but in a lasting, every day sort of way. I don't know what this looks like, or how I'm going to go about attaining it. I don't want something that I can necessarily get at church, because if I can get it in its completeness there, it's likely it won't last very long once I leave the building. What's sufficient for a church building often isn't when real life becomes the setting for my story.

Honestly, I don't know what possessed me to write this. This semester has seen its ups and downs: I've seen someone come to Christ, and I've seen someone decide they don't believe in God. I've loved (this doesn't necessarily refer to people) and hated (this does and doesn't). I've been a terrible Christian, and I've known without a shadow of a doubt that I was exactly where God wanted me doing what He wanted me to do.

After all of that, I just want more. I want something deeper. We've been studying John in large group, and though I was planning on moving toward something that may be a little deeper, but in actuality probably not, now I think I want to study Hebrews. I want my chapter to read something that is less narrative, and more one guy's completely dumbstruck response to who Jesus is. And I want to encounter Him and respond. And I want people at NMT to do the same.

This was jumbled, and for that, I'm sorry you didn't have something more linear to read. I won't apologize for the Christ-centric nature of it, but I will say I understand if that's not what you were looking to read. Either way, thank you for reading this far.

"You alone are what my soul needs, You know the thirst is taking over"

Dreams...

2008-11-12T15:05:00.002-07:00

So, I haven't updated in a while, and there's a bunch of stuff floating around in my head. Not sure if it'll all make it, and I'm not promising that it's going to be anything like coherent, but I just need to get some stuff out there.

I dreamed I found my passport. I dreamed it was in a pocket of a jacket I was wearing, like it just appeared there as I was wearing the jacket. Weird. And it was one of those dreams that I believed when I woke up. But alas, it was not to be. Not yet, at least. The search continues...

I had a sudden memory of something I didn't even know I'd forgotten recently. I remembered how Amanda used to freak out if I left her alone in her apartment. How she'd have to have a movie playing, or something like that before she'd go to sleep, and even then it was usually after multiple hours of coaxing her before she'd even consider it. Of course, now I'm seeing through the filter of "How real was that? It could've been her just keeping me there longer." Just about everything she ever did had a hook in it, so I'll believe it was just her way of making me do what she wanted. But you know, I may never know for sure, and I'm honestly not even sure if I care at all anymore.

I was up until 4 last night coding with MATLAB. But here's the kicker: My program worked!! Even though I loathe coding, there's not much that compares with the feeling with a working program. Now I just have two to go!

Oh, and I just have to put a short book review in! I'm currently engulfed in Stephen King's The Waste Lands, which is book 3 of his Dark Tower series. I've never really liked King, but this story is absolutely great! You should start it if you've never read it!

"I don't believe that love can rot away. So first aim for the heart, then aim for the head."

Caveat

2008-11-05T18:50:00.004-07:00

With this year's election finally over, I feel like I need to say a few things.

First off, I'm not terribly happy that Obama is our president. Now, the other side of that is that honestly, I wasn't thrilled with the idea of McCain either. Both of them are just a little too liberal (politically and economically) for my tastes. But I'm not worried. God is ultimately in control of everything, and I believe this will work out for His glory in the end.

Second, I think the electoral college needs revamping, or at least rethinking. For all of the state's electoral votes to go with the side of the majority may not seem like a bad idea, but when the majorities are as small as they were this year (Obama led by <10% in a lot of states), all of those votes for the "other guy" are completely wasted. And I thought this eight years ago when Bush eeked by. Now, this is easy for me, someone from a state with 5 votes (5 whole votes! Oh joy of joys!!). But seriously, when a president can theoretically win with 12 states and 30% of the popular vote, something's wrong.

Lastly, one thing that worries me is the seeming deification of our president-elect. I mean, he skipped sainthood, and became savior in our eyes. Obama supporters are painting this picture like he is the Christ, and we need to follow him. That worries me. God is the only being deserving of glory, and when we ascribe that to a person, especially a person of power, things can be dangerous. Look at Hitler and Stalin. Now, I'm not saying Obama = Hitler = Stalin. What I am saying, is look at the hero worship that was rampant when these guys were in power. It gave them exponentially more power than was necessary or safe. Obama may turn out to be an ok, and even good president. But when we think he can do no wrong, we give him more power over us than I personally want to give.

All that being said, maybe it's good that we finally elected a black president. Maybe some people with more racist views will be compelled to think about that. Hopefully.

I did not write this to slander President Obama, or to declare that I'm moving to Canada (it's still far more liberal than this place), I just wish we'd think about some things before we do them, because while I'm sure that a lot of people made an informed, intentional decision to vote for the man, my gut tells me that a lot (maybe a lot more) didn't.

Also, maybe in four years, the Republicans will get off their lazy asses and stop trying to slander the "liberal devils" and actually embrace ideas and policies that hold to the conservative ideal. Just a thought.

What if?

2008-10-29T10:36:00.002-06:00

True enough, not only the simple but the learned, not only the average but the saintly, have described God as wise, just, long-suffering, merciful; and, depending on the occasion, have appealed to Him because preeminently these attributes are His. When our motives are questioned we call upon Him for support, for in His wisdom He knows the deepest stirrings of our hearts. When we suffer, we invoke His justice. When in haste we sin, we plead for sufferance on His part. Where we have been exacting or rebellious, we cry for His mercy. What, however, does such language suggest? That man in his dependence and helplessness employs as best he may, to the stretching point if necessary, the sounds and vocabulary at his disposal. These terms, and others like them, are the finest human beings have developed. But even at their finest they will not do; they cannot be precise; they are a stammering to which we have simply grown accustomed. God, the nature of God, rises higher than our discourse. As He is the source of wisdom, we call Him wise; as He is the fullness of mercy, we call Him merciful. But the words fall short of His being.
-Louis Finkelstein

I recently started reading Blue Like Jazz. Yes, I know I'm late, as probably every Christian in college from the time it was written has considered it required reading. It's not that I didn't want to, so much as I just didn't go out and read it. But my cousin loaned it to me, so I've had no reason not to pick it up.

Anyway, it poses a sort of indirect challenge. In the book, Don Miller talks about wanting to tell his friends about God, without trying to sell God to them. And I've sort of been challenged to want to do that of late. I've been wondering "What would my life look like if I weren't afraid to share God with people?" Not to push a worldview on them, or to sell them a better life, or even the promise of an afterlife. If my relationship with God were only about life after death, I'd probably say screw it, and live for myself until my deathbed.

But seriously. I know the Creator of the freakin' universe personally. And He likes me! He goes out of His way to be in communication with me! WHAT THE HECK!?! So, what if I weren't afraid to use every chance I got to share Him with those I love?

I came across this quote in my reading for my World Religions class. Based on the guy's name, you can probably infer that we're studying Judaism right now. Anyway, I just loved how he described God, and how he pretty much called God indescribable. At least with our best efforts, we can't begin to explain how awesome He is.

If that's true, and I believe it is, why am I afraid to share my knowledge and relationship of this awesome being with those that I love?

I'll probably be chewing on this one a while.

"With a little love, and some tenderness, we'll walk upon the water. We'll rise above this mess."

Burning Our Bed

2008-10-28T23:25:00.003-06:00

Baby, don't you shed a tear for me. I wouldn't want to waste your time.
You talked a lot of trash and ya lied to me.
But babe, you never even tried.

Oh, oh, oh
You can hold my heart for ransom.
But you'll never own my soul.

Baby, I might lose my mind. Maybe I might lose my head.
But one thing I'll never do is swallow my pride crawling back to you.
Baby, I'm burning our bed.

There used to be a time when you were everything, my flame through the night.
You got me hot, then you blew me out
Like this match Im about to light.

Oh, oh, oh
You can tear my heart to pieces.
Leave me standing in the cold.

Baby, I might lose my mind. Maybe I might lose my head.
One thing I gotta do is torch those sheets and pillows too..
Baby, Im burning out bed

Well, I used to think your were so fine. How could I be so blind?
-Burning Our Bed, Alice Cooper

Once again, Mr. Cooper speaks wisdom into my past relationship. Last week, I even wanted to talk to her. Some Godly wisdom from people I respect helped me to see why I shouldn't do that. Then, I heard this song. Funny how close to home it hits.

On another note, Alice Cooper's Hey Stoopid, from which this song came, is in my opinion what's missing from Rock 'n Roll today.P.S.: Since this one was mostly lyrics, I don't think I'm going to use them here.

Of Elections, Sleep and Other Things

2008-10-24T15:35:00.002-06:00

Man, I love days off. Like, legitimate days where I'm not expected in class. I slept in till 10am, and it felt great. I also voted today, go me! For my only other presidential election, I voted absentee. It was cool to go and actually vote in person. Since I'm in Socorro, the process took about 15 minutes, with about 12 of those actually voting. Not bad at all.

I'm sort of sleeping again. Last night I was up late because I wasn't expected anywhere today, so I'm not sure if that was any better. But the last two nights I've actually been sleeping. And this week, I even went to class. Maybe next week, I'll go back to work.

Oh, and I'm working on my car tomorrow. I really hope Peter and I get it working without any extra cost to me, cause I don't really have it right now.

"He plays an old guitar with a coin found by the phone"

Can't Sleep?

2008-10-21T12:02:00.002-06:00

So, last week I was really fatigued. I slept a lot over the weekend, however, and have felt better. But now, I'm struggling to fall asleep when I want to. Two nights in a row now, I've gone to bed by about 1am, and have tossed and turned until about 3. As a result, I missed my first class yesterday, and work this morning.

This is going to have to stop, and I'm not sure how. I don't feel as tired as I did last week, but for some reason, it's harder for me to get to sleep than it should be, making it harder to wake up.

If anybody in Internet-Land has any suggestions, remedies, or home remedies, I'd greatly appreciate anything you can throw at me.

"Gimme back my wig."

Holy Crap!

2008-10-21T01:39:00.002-06:00

I was just awakened from near-sleep with a revelation:

Tonight I received a call from a Pittsburgh, PA number. When I did a reverse lookup, it pulled up three names, two of which were at the same address. The two at the same address were Charlotte and Michael McGill. Now, this didn't mean much, because I don't know those people.

Except that I do.

Charlotte is Amanda's mom's name. Mike is the name of the man that wasn't Amanda's stepdad at the time I was dating her, but was espoused to her mom.

So, I got a call from her mom. Or someone at her mom's house.

Which is really weird, because she said she was in Canada in her last voicemail, so either she isn't, or she has her mom calling me now.

Either way, freaky. Just had to get it out there. Maybe I can sleep having figured that out.

"Hey unfaithful, I will teach you to be stronger, to be stronger. Hey ungraceful, I will teach you to forgive one another."

Here's Hoping

2008-10-20T00:42:00.002-06:00

Well, here's hoping this week is better than the last. I'm going to bed [a little] earlier, in hopes that I'll be up for my first class tomorrow. In all honesty, I slept a lot this weekend, and I feel better.

I just hope it lasts.

"No one knows what it's like to be the bad man, to be the sad man, behind blue eyes."

How to Achieve Mental & Physical Stagnation

2008-10-17T00:39:00.003-06:00

Ever since I got back from Tennessee, I've just felt fatigued. At first, I attributed it to jet lag, but by Wednesday, I figured that was out of the question.

But this seriously really sucks. I've missed class and work, neither of which I can really afford not to be doing right now, and I've just felt sluggish all around, barely leaving my house.

Today was better, sort of. My alarm clock didn't go off, so I woke up at 12.30, missing work. I also missed my two classes today because I couldn't get around. By this evening, I started feeling better, but then I tried to do some hw, and realized just how far behind I am in that class.

On a lighter note, Keith picked up some cabernet sauvignon, gorgonzola and bread. We made an evening out of it, and that was enjoyable.

Anyway, here's hoping I'm feeling more alive by next week (tomorrow would be good too)

"Your beauty does bereave me, and how my words do fail, so faithfully and dutifully I award You with betrayal"

My 22-Hour Day

2008-10-08T23:57:00.002-06:00

I'm now safely in Cleveland. Though, I wonder just exactly how safe being in Cleveland really is. Here are a few things I've experienced/learned today:

* Lake Michigan is HUGE-MONGOUS!! I mean, I had heard, but I literally thought I was at the edge of one of those video game levels where they don't bother rendering. It was just this gray nothing that at first looked like clouds on the horizon, until I saw a little sailboat.

* I met a real-life limey today! He was really cool. I think he said he was from Manchester. We sat next to each other on the plane from ABQ, and he was so excited about the mountains and the balloon fiesta and big deer. And his accent was great. Sadly, I'm not sure I got his name.

* O'hare is sort of a disappointing airport. I mean, I had heard about this airport all my life. But after Denver, Atlanta, and St. Paul/Minneapolis, O'hare just didn't do it for me.

* I've decided that being at an airport that only has pay-per-day internet is like being cut off from the true source. You know that it's there, and you can practically feel it, but when you reach out to touch it, it's just not there.

"I'm praying for the end of time to hurry up and arrive"

Miles To Go Before I Sleep

2008-10-07T22:51:00.003-06:00

Not sure why I'm quoting Frost in the title. It's sort of appropriate, since I have to pack and other things before bed, but I guess I just felt like it.

Hold on, this may be wordy, as a lot of stuff has happened in a short time, and I haven't channeled it in a while.

First off, let me just get this one out there: Amanda called again. She hasn't tried to contact me in months, probably since February. I don't understand what brought the sudden onset of her trying to get a hold of me, but there it is. I didn't actually talk to her. I got a voice mail. In it she was part sounding like she'd moved on, but then clearly was looking for my approval, or at least my acknowledgment, or something. I just don't understand why she can't let go. And it's not like it's been easy being single, but dating her was the worst decision I've ever made for myself, and I'll never willingly put myself back there. In the voice mail, she said she'd call back, and I'm not sure if I should answer next time, and share some explicit words with her, or if I should maintain the silence. I just wish I could get her to stop calling me. I don't want her, or even memory of her if I can help it, in my life any more.

Great Escape was awesome. Actually, the aforementioned happening sort of came at the perfect time: before the weekend instead of after. I probably would not have gone to class at all if she had called me when I got back from the weekend. But I'm rambling about her again. The topic for the retreat was John 4, which is the woman at the well. The speaker turned that into thirsting for God, and it was really cool. I don't have a lot of eloquent words for it, so I won't even try at this point. I will say that while I'm physically still recuperating, spiritually it was incredibly restful.

Oh, and the case of the missing dishes was solved! They were "found" back in the original packaging. Even the little cardboard dividers were in place, meaning the plates and bowls were all put back meticulously and with the utmost care. Now, I really don't want to speculate, but unless dish gnomes are rearranging our house, it seems the roommate who shall not be named is being incredibly pathetic and passive-aggressive. I can't wait until he actually moves out. All in all, however, this was really funny. Any frustration I'd normally be feeling right now pretty much went into laughter when I heard where the dishes were.

I'm flying to Tennessee tomorrow for the wedding. This particular one is Adam & Tina's. I'm so excited for them! There couldn't be a more deserving guy, and I'm just glad I can be a part of it. Though, I'm going to be in Chicago O'Hare for approximately 3 hours. Which is cool, because I've never seen that airport, and I'll really get to explore it. On the other hand, it's 3 hours in an airport. Good thing I recently took up Wheel of Time. These books make Tolkien look like a beginner's primer, at least lengthwise. I'm currently on book 4, The Shadow Rising, and it's really good. It was a very slow opener, in that it didn't start catching my interest until about page 400 or so, but I must say I'm enjoying it now. The plot of the series is very involved, but not convoluted (at least not yet), and it's something to keep me going for a while.

Anyway, wow. That was a rabbit trail, if ever I saw one. I'm so glad to be hanging out with some people I haven't seen in a while, and especially to be there for Adam & Tina's big day! I just hope the flights go ok. I'm not the best on planes, or in packed cars, or in not packed cars, or vehicles in general unless I'm driving. Not that I'm the best driver, I just get anxiety when I'm stuffed inside various modes of transportation.

I'm trying to think of closing remarks, but I'm at a loss, so I'm going to leave you with some Mewithoutyou lyrics:

"Why this safe distance, this curious look? Why tear out single pages when you can throw away the book? Why pluck one string when you can strum the guitar? Take down a guitar and strum the guitar, strum the guitar if you're afraid, and I'm afraid, and everyone's afraid! And everyone knows it. But we don't have to be afraid anymore."

Matter Over Mind

2008-09-26T17:15:00.003-06:00

I want to start lifting weights again. I used to, back in high school, and while I was never a living Ah-nold replica, I really did like how it felt being able to lift as much as I did, with both arms and legs.

So, rather than leaving it in blog form, which will not, contrary to popular belief, actually make me stronger, I'm going to propose it to anybody out there in the blag to join me. I haven't set a time yet, but I'm thinking at least 1x or 2x a week. I'd prefer you be in Socorro, rather than telling me that you'll be lifting weights with me from NY or England, because that way it'll make me go out and actually do it.

Also, I'd really like it to be someone who will be committed. I can't do free weights without a spotter, you know.

And, if anybody out there has any experience in the matter, whether you want to join me or not, I'd greatly appreciate any help you can offer, even just on the informational side of things. Like I said, I haven't done this since high school, and I'm a little rusty on a lot of it. But if you have techniques/pointers/advice/anything that you think might help, I'd greatly appreciate that as well. And you're welcome to join me too!

Let me know when works, and we'll get a time set up.

"Why pluck one string - What good is just one note?"

Huzzah!

2008-09-20T23:40:00.001-06:00

So, I went to the Apple store today, and they replaced my hard drive. For free! Over the phone, they said they wouldn't do any of this. But they did! Sweet! I don't have it yet. They said they'd try to get it back to me by tomorrow, but no promises. Either way, my macbook will be back to me!

Conversations with a Genius

2008-09-19T00:06:00.002-06:00

Ok, before I start, I just want to get some angst out:

I'm happy for all my friends getting married and having girlfriends and the like, but I'm really getting sick of being alone!!!

Ok, I feel better now. I had to get that out. And for those of you reading with disgust, no, I'm not above it. I'll try to keep stupid crap like that to a minimum, however.

I'm taking my mac in tomorrow. I don't imagine they'll have much to tell me that I don't already know. I'm really hoping to learn if I can still get any data off of the hard drive, specifically music. I've already picked the next hard drive. It's more than 2x the size of the old one, and I can put windows and matlab on it. And yes, I'm aware that matlab will run on a mac, but I dread using x11, as that's way nerdier than I'm capable of. I am looking forward to having my mac back, though. As much as I appreciate Peter's laptop, it just ain't the same.

The nights are cooling down. I like it, it is starting to feel like fall, but soon itll be too cold to enjoy a nice salad with friends after dark, which is my only free time anymore.

I want to ride a motorcycle. I just want to try it out. I'm at the point where I don't care if it's not the safest, I just have to try it.

And I want other things to happen too...

"Open wide my door to whatever makes me love You more"

Third Time's the Charm? Let's Hope Not!

2008-09-12T00:21:00.002-06:00

My hard drive died today. Just up and died. We think it was a head crash. Don't rightly know how, and it's really sad. All that music...

I'm actually blogging on a borrowed computer right now. Many thanks to Peter for helping me out on this one. I'm going to call Apple tomorrow and see what I can get done. I'm close to the warranty time, and if I'm lucky, I haven't crossed it yet. But alas, I need a new hd, and I can only hope and pray that any software I purchased (mainly iwork) will be replaced. I can't afford to pay for it again right now.

Most (about 2/3) of my music originally came from cds, so it'll be time-consuming, but I'm not completely out of luck there. There' s just the matter of the few cds I've purchased on itunes since I got the mac. Hopefully that can be restored to me as well.

And for anybody playing the home game, I'm now averaging a broken electronic device a month. Granted, that's over two months, but that's still becoming too high of a statistic for me to be comfortable with.

"She always weighed me down, but afraid I might need her I dragged her around."

Of Shoes, and Ships, and Sealing Wax, and 3.5 Hour Labs

2008-09-09T15:40:00.002-06:00

It's official. School is officially back in session. Now, I know for a lot of people, it's been back in session for two weeks now. But for me, I usually have to have been to at least one lab for the semester to be back in session. This happened with gusto yesterday, as my first Analog Electronics lab took 3 hours and 40 minutes to complete.

It's good to be back, ain't it?

Anyway, now the semester actually feels like it should, what with the business of prelabs and lab writeups thrown in the mix of everything else. I hate it, but at the same time, I don't really know what I'd do without it.

On a different note, I think it's funny that NBC is back on itunes. I mean, itunes is no less "the man" than any other big business out there trying to grab at my money. But itunes seems to have more respect for me, at least, that's how they do business, in my experience. Last year, when NBC thought they'd try and overturn itunes' empire, I was pretty sure it wouldn't be done. Not that it couldn't, mind you, but that it would take someone as expert in marketing as Mr. Jobs himself to even come close. Definitely not possible with the likes of NBC. And now, they're back on itunes. It just makes me giggle inside...

"I think a motorcycle is a good way to die"

Agreeing with Loverboy...

2008-09-05T11:55:00.002-06:00

It's finally the weekend! While school hasn't hit full force yet, it's still nice to think about Saturday. Plus, my grandparents are in town from Dallas, so that'll be a fun time.

I still haven't found my semester groove, but I honestly think this one will be easier to get into than last semester, in which there was no groove. There was just class, work, more class, and then failing class.

So, here's a hypothetical: If you were asked to speak in a public setting, in a casual environment where most of the "public" were people you knew, and it was a more low-stress situation (i.e., not much planning involved, or memorizing lines and such), would you do it?

"Die to fight this"

C Coding, Take 3

2008-09-04T11:44:00.002-06:00

It's amazing what failing a class will do for you. It'll make you take an elective course in a subject you never had interest before because it might, just might help you pass the retake of the first class.

That's exactly what I'm doing now. I'm taking EE 389, which is going to be using a lot of matlab and C, and hopefully the experience will better prepare me for retaking EE 308. Nevertheless, I never thought I'd choose to take a programming class.

I'm nervous about it. I really suck at coding. But there's a bright side. Of the students, the one with the most experience is my boss. The one with the second most experience is me. Nobody else has any C, and everyone only has limited matlab. So, if the prof. teaches to the average, I should be ok. Right?

"Wake the lifeless"

First J-Man

2008-09-04T00:36:00.002-06:00

So, the first J-Man Bible study has passed. Just in case you don't know, the J-Man is a Bible study looking at the life of Jesus in the first five chapters of John. Mikey coined the term, because it's a Jesus-Manuscript (the type of Bible study we're doing).

I think it went well. A little shaky, as it was my first time leading. And most of the people were brand new to the concept. But we'll find our niche. I'm sure we'll get a lot out of it this fall.

Also, now taking suggestions for misadventures our character "J-Man" will happen upon in our journey.

"Experience the warmth before you go"

A New Record

2008-09-03T01:27:00.003-06:00

So, for those of you close, and anybody out there on the nets who isn't, my phone officially made it through Tuesday. Now, this may not seem like much, if you haven't been around, but let me explain:

Approximately 2.4 weeks ago, I purchased a new phone. I spent more than the typical alltel .99, in hopes that investing some dollars would yield a superior product. Not two hours later, people couldn't hear my voice when I called them, because I had somehow blown that microphone. Somehow.

I took the phone back, and they replaced it. The new(er) phone worked fine for the next week. The week after that, I was in a bunch of meetings to plan all of the stuff InterVarsity (my Christian community, for those who don't know) for the semester. Sometime Tuesday evening, my phone blinked out of existence, this time much more gloriously than before. It made it approximately 1.4 weeks. That weekend, I returned the second phone to alltel, and they replaced it, unfortunately with the same model phone, which has clearly been trying my patience.

However, I'm a pleased, nay, elated to inform anybody who will listen that my phone has now officially made it through the Tuesday evening record previously held by my last phone. I'm talking olympic gold here!

Anyway, yeah. Maybe this is the real deal.

"Calm like a bomb"

A Special Thanks

2008-09-02T12:08:00.003-06:00

A very special thanks to the Hat for designing and creating my header. Anybody who's reading this should check out her blag (look to the right), and her website.

It LIIIVES!!!!

2008-09-02T08:31:00.007-06:00

I recently narrowly avoided a crisis involving my car, and a 1-inch part of a bolt that I wanted to get out of my car, but couldn't. Keep in mind, this wasn't a whole bolt.

I'm not sure exactly what happened, but signs point to foul play on the part of the mechanics who tried to fix this same problem. Rather, they said they did, but it seems they just covered up what was already broken, and left me to figure it out for myself. That's how it seems, at least. I'll upload a pic later, as I'm keeping the bolt as a sort of trophy/memoriam.

Anyway, what was going to be a simple session yesterday of inserting three bolts in their respective holes turned into finding two of the holes occupied by broken bolts. To make a long story short, this could have been a costly repair, in both time and money, in that a machinist would probably have to look at it. However, my friend Lee was there, and he seemed to have knowledge of a mythical "bolt extractor". We were able to get the bolts out.

So, now I have a car with an engine that isn't threatening to fall out on a whim. It makes me very happy. Nevertheless, it seems God is trying to break my dependence of these worldly things. With the battery last week, and now the bolts, on top of the other stuff that I know need to get done, it's just too much for me to control. And I think God's saying to step back, and not rely so much on the stuff that I've used to get by.

Also, let me just say I'm so thankful God has put people in my life who know how to work on cars, like Lee and Peter. And for people who have experience greater than my own, in this case, also Lee and Peter.

"Have You ever felt the weight of loving all the things You hate?"

Wait, I'm still here?

2008-09-01T02:45:00.003-06:00

I crave stability. I yearn for it. I pine for it. Yet, it never seems to quite stick with me. I mean, it does in some ways. My parents never broke up, like so many people I've heard about and known, and I consider myself blessed for that. Also, growing up in one state, and pretty much one city means stability in one sense. However, there was never enough time in a single spot in that city to remain at any one school for very long.

So, here's how it is: Every two years for the last eight, I've changed schools, among other things. I've never spent more than four years in any one school (I've only done that once, in elementary school), and most of the time, I've spent considerably less than four years in a single place of academia.

Until now.

This last week marks the longest time I've been at one single school in over ten years. I was never a military brat, or a pastor's kid, but I guess I know a little of what that's like. And it looks like I'm going to be shooting for a personal best of five years.

"What if I say I'm not like the others?"

Hello, World

2008-08-31T17:19:00.000-06:00

So, we're up and running. For anybody who's reading this, here are a few of the reasons I decided to start blogging:

1) It's something I really haven't done before
2) It's not the worst use of my time on the Internet
3) It's a way to track the mysterious disappearances happening at my place

So, thank you for reading, and I hope an adventure can be had here.

I named this blog The Raggedy Edge, for a few reasons. Yes, I got it from Serenity. But that's not the sole reason for the naming. I can identify with being on the "raggedy edge" in a few ways: Socorro, for anybody who doesn't know, is pretty much the raggedy edge of civilization. It's a small, backwards little down that exists because of New Mexico Tech. Also, I feel like I'm on the "raggedy edge" of this chapter of my life sometimes. Like who I was, even a year ago, isn't even close to who I am now, and is light years away from who I'm going to be when the dust settles. Finally, as an engineering student entering his fifth year of education, I'm pretty much on the "raggedy edge" of sanity.

Well, that's all I have to say for right now. Light willing, I won't be long-winded (long fingered?) or preachy, but that may happen sometimes.

Oh, and the count of missing items is now 1 coffee table. The search for the french press continues...